Mod: Place pressure sensitive chip inside IO that plays a medley of Barney songs, driving the erstwhile hacker mad, reducing his or her intelligence to the level where they'd actually subscribe to the service, or AOL.
Upon activation, the chip sends flashing instructions to the bios, overwriting the loaded IO bios with one that will flash "Barney said don't open" on the screen, matching the tempo of the song being played every time it's powered on. When powered off, the system uses the built in "Mic" as a speaker for the bios battery powered chip, allowing the song to continue.
Hack:
1. Sell on Ebay as an Actimates pc buddy.
2. Find a young priest, and an old priest.
3. Beat it to death with a thesaurus.